A little bit of sarcastic quotes for you

[Emmrich]

When you check out, if spent shell casings aren't littered around your feet, you didn't check out right

Booze is the answer. I don't remember the question.

"Obstruction of justice? No sir, we prefer to think of it 'avoiding complications'."

This little piggy went to Hades

This little piggy stayed home

this little piggy ate raw and steaming human flesh

this little piggy violated virgins

And this little piggy clambered over a heap of dead bodies to get to the top.

Women should always wear tight clothes, and men should carry powerful handguns

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I'm drunk...I'm armed...I'm off my meds. You had better make your message really, really sweet

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

That which does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast.

I can tell that you are lying, your lips are moving

I would have liked to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn't understand me.

A young sailor was sitting in a cafe having a few drinks when he looks over and sees a pirate.

The pirate has a wooden peg-leg, a hook for a hand, and patch over his eye.

Unable to resist, the sailor asks how you end up with a peg-leg?

I was swept overboard during a fierce storm, says the pirate. and a bloody shark bit off me whole darn leg!

Holy cow! said the sailor. What about the hook, how you get that?

Me crew and I were boarding an enemy ship, a fierce sword battle ensued. One of them cut me darn arm!

Absolutely incredible! gasped the sailor. And the eye patch, tell me how you got that?

A bloody seagull dropping fell into me eye, replied the pirate.

Umm, you lost your eye to a seagull dropping? asked the sailor, admonished.

Embarassed, the pirate answered It was me first day with the hook.